My small wedding dilemma

I am starting to have doubts about the venue I fell in love with for our small wedding. I have had such a hard time finding a venue to host 40 of our closest friends and family, simply because venues that cater to weddings, cater to large weddings.
So my choices in choosing a venue have been difficult. My options range from paying for a 100 person minimum to paying a minimum catering bill. I don't really have a problem with the catering bill, at least I know my guests will eat well. But paying for a 100 person minimum means that I'm paying for 60 chairs that I don't need, a bunch of tables and other stuff that I could really do without. I really find the whole package deal to be cookie cutter style and not so beneficial to an intimate wedding. I have also found that venues don't like small weddings. I guess I can understand that. Why would they want to host a 40 person event, when they can make more money on a larger one. It's really frustrating, especially when all the wedding resources out there tell you that if you want to save money, cut down your guest list. There are so many more things to consider when you "cut down your guest list". Like space, for one. Why would you have a small wedding in a large space, nothing is intimate about that. Finding a small venue is just plain hard, and so much more expensive than you think. I started looking at little Inn's restaurants, B & B's, and other unconventional locations. There are not very many in my area but they are so charming, and quaint. The downside is they often come with a huge price tag and Lot's of rules and conditions. So, I finally found an Inn that is just adorable. The Inn does not typically host weddings, but I agreed to rent the whole Inn ( all 9 rooms ) to host my event their. After a couple of conversations with the owner, it has become apparent that they are not giving me very much room to have the wedding that I envision. I was planning to have the ceremony their, and cocktail hour, then for the reception, moving to a hotels dining room right around the corner. One of the major problems is alcohol. The Inn does not want to have alcohol. What is a cocktail hour with out alcohol? This becomes a problem more and more every day. Second, I am starting to think that they may have a problem with the music during the ceremony and cocktail hour. I have not talked to them about this yet, but I have a feeling it is going to be another issue. Third and final issue, the hotels dining room is perfect in size for my dinner party and definitely charming. But, it's not set up for the "party" part of the party. This is a bummer, I want to dance and have a great celebration but I am having a hard time envisioning a DJ and a dance floor with such a small group. I thought of having an "after party" after the dinner. This would mean a third location and there is always that thought lingering over my head ( is it going to be a flop and a waste of time and money) I just don't know, but I do know that a third location is just too much. If anyone who has had a small wedding or has planned a small wedding has any ideas that would help, I would really love to hear them. I don't want a cheesy wedding, I really want to show our guests a great time with out sacrificing the traditions of the day. The first dance with my new husband and dancing with my dad is not something I want to sacrifice, I just don't know how to make it all come together seamlessly.